Hi guys (and gals), the reason I created this blog is to keep me sane. Though they say sane people are very rare (which is true). Anyway, this blog might die half way because of my uber procrastinating skills and the lack of motivation. BUT, I will try to keep this alive. I know I've said this many times to myself. Looking at myself and my past, I've never really achieved anything significant. Come to think of it, I NEVER achieved anything. Almost everything went down the drain midway. And I cant find myself to improve in anything. As if there is a cap in my performance. Yes I can adapt but I cannot be a master. I have a wide knowledge but I don't know much about one thing. I just know it exists, but don't know much about it.
In this blog, there will be a lot of rants. So if you're somewhat short-tempered or arrogant or just a plain hater who hates everything that ever existed I suggest you freaking leave and get a life. I do not wish to have any of you rant about me, though I do accept CONSTRUCTIVE ADVISES (note the bold).
Oh hold on, mom calling for lunch. Brb....
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"As I look out from the window, I notice, the first delicate snow falls...." LOL I'm just kidding! Mom cooked spaghetti. Heavenly as usual. Nothing beats mom's cooking.
Weather right now is overcast, albeit the scorching temperature.
Alright, back to the topic.
Recently I've been reflecting myself unconsciously. It is as if the motivation part of me is acting up. It is point out all them flaws that I have. And boy, I sure have a lot of them. Part of the reason why I started this blog is to keep track of what I have achieved. Keeping the blog alive is an achievement for myself too. I never had a blog that lasted for a year, not that I remembered of.
What I hope to achieve is not only to keep this blog alive, but to also improve in my writing skills and my understanding to the vast command of the English vocabulary. As a Game Designer, one must have control of his/her words so they will prevail in accurately describing the gameplay and the mechanics of the game. Its like bringing a game to life with only words.
Almost 7 months ago, I enrolled myself into Murdoch University undergoing Bachelor of Science & Information Technology. To be exact, I'm going to major myself in Degree in Game Software Production and Design. Which is exactly what I wanted to do, since I'm not good in programming or drawing. My understanding is only that much. All I want to do is to lead a team and make a game. It doesn't have to be a large scale with OVER 9000 people. Just a ground of 15 people would do. Starting small is safer. Though dare to dream would bring you further they say. I'm dreaming, and reliving my dream. I have ample ideas to be brought out to the world to see. I'm not afraid of people criticizing my game. It just gives me the motivation and foresight to understand what gamer wants. Its almost impossible to make a game that monopolizes the gaming industry; the game that everyone of all ages and interest plays. Though its a possibility, when there is a will, there is a way. But where is my will? I don't know. So far no game has gone that far catching everyone's interest.
Preparation and registration is easy. Dealing with procrastination is the hard part. Having to say "I'll do it later." every single time doesn't solve anything. It'll just drag and drag and drag. It dragged me till now, I've just submitted my visa application in roughly about 3 weeks ago. I had the application for 3 months. See what procrastination can do to you, especially when you let it win? I procrastinated to a point where I think my parents sees me as unreliable. I don't know what is causing all these crazy procrastination skills to develop, but I definitely need to kill it. I just wish there is a skill reset thingy where you can just reset your daily abilities and pump it into one.
Even at work I procrastinated. I had so much time to finish up my proposal and my game design document. Though I'm a one-man team where I need to figure out what to write about the marketing part, the technical part, the contents, graphics, sounds, and mechanics, at least my colleagues are awesome. I guess without them, I'd give up half way and just leave the company like how I did to Starbucks. I kinda miss them now. I miss the Starbucks experience. My store manager is awesome. Her favorite quote, "Once a Buck, always a Buck.". I still remember my employee number: 09816. Although its not the awesome-st number, but its forever mine.
Its December now. I have around 8 items to finish in my Proposal cum Game Design Document. Mostly graphic part and touching up on some of the contents. My supervisor noted me on the legal part of the thing. He bring up the possibilities about the company using my idea and about the royalty of the whole project. My idea is if they are able to do it, consider it as a gift from me to them. At least they'll remember "It's that intern we had last time that made us successful today."
In 2 months, I'll be over at Perth, Australia. I have to admit that I am afraid of what I might encounter and what people think of me. I heard there are a lot of Malaysian Chinese over there. I'm just not sure. What if Chinese people are made slaves over there? Or treated unequal? What if my classmates hates me for being Asian or some other ridiculous reasons? What if this stupid procrastination skill follows me there too? Will I be able to cope the pressure there? I'll definitely feel homesick. I'll definitely miss everyone here, especially my one and only loving fiancée-to-be. What if I let my parents down again?
Speaking of letting my parents down, I really wish that wouldn't happen. My sister told me that our family owes a certain bank a huge sum of money; totalling around RM300k. And now my parents are sending me to one of the most prestigious universities around, with the living cost 3 times in Malaysia. Pressure is all on me. If I fail, I doubt I'll have any dignity as a son to face my parents. They have brought me up, fulfilling my wishes and wants, showered me with their incomparable parental love. They always told compared me to my cousins who excel in their studies and further abroad under scholarships. Its obvious my parents wants me to be like them and make them proud. That is why I have to ditch my procrastination side, or rather replace it with motivation and the thought of not giving up so easily on stuff that I'm bad at. Practice makes perfect. Even if I cannot achieve perfection, I want to go near it. I want to feel the power aura that it emits. I want to be at least noticeable. I want bragging rights.
I guess I'll stop here for today. Lets see how far can I go. Maybe one day all these blog posts can be published as a book! :P Just a thought.
