Hello blog. Looks like it has been awhile. I know I said I tried, but I guess I didn't even thought of trying. Not until now. I guess when I look back at this many years later into the future, perhaps it would provide me some self-entertainment as to how silly I am now. I guess my setback can be referred as a HUGE LAG. Oh what a joke.
A year has passed since my last blog post. I realize I blog when I have affairs of the heart. A year has passed, even the Blogger's layout has changed. I never knew it was associated with Google. I am THAT outdated. I guess Google decided to spend their virtually unlimited money on everything. I read they're even paying their deceased employee's family salary as compensation and also provide privileges to LGBT. Maybe they'll be the Umbrella Corps when they go into bio-chemical medicine thingy.
Anyway, it has been approximately day 7. I have no idea what is she doing or thinking. We had an argument about the most trivial stuff. But I guess as tensions build up over the years, you just could not tolerate each other any more no matter how passionate you are towards each other. I am, however, proud of myself that I have yet to explode. I am quite surprise, really. With all the crap thrown at me, and myself stepping on landmines like a blind fuck, I am actually handling quite well. I guess its the fact that I have no one to turn to. Whereas she have her BFFs to. I find it pretty unfair the fact that men are suppose to be stone cold killers and have to remain their composure so they don't look weak in front of the others, and females can be the other way round. I think that is why I don't have anyone I can call an actual bro. She can just go weak and any guy can be there for her.
I have mixed feelings about this relationship. It felt like I am figuratively split into half; the euphoric side and the "dark" side. Its like basically how people tend to have two sides that kind of thing. My euphoric side reminds me of all the happy times I have with her, all the way back to when we first met. But my dark side, however, reminds me of all those shit I have to put up with her. Come to think of it, I have no idea how the fuck did I put up with all that. The only explanation I can think of now is because she is the first girl that I have an actual, serious relationship with. One that actually loves me sincerely. But her alter ego is a drama queen, literally. She can make the smallest issue seem like its the end of the world. Not to mention there is a mix of her arrogance too. And being her first boyfriend in her whole entire life does not help at all. She is very much influenced by the western media; how a relationship should be like, how guys should act in situations, chivalry. I mean, I'm not saying I'm not chivalrous. I still open and hold doors for women and old people unconsciously. It felt like a must for me. How hard can holding the door be? Unless you are disabled in anyway, it is almost effortless.
Ever since the Asaban event started, I can't help but to shake that damn feeling off; that thought where she would fall for someone behind me. That's how we all started according to her, during Ichibanzai. But then again, I thought to myself, that if it ever happens, its for the best to the both of us. And good luck to that guy. I'm pretty sure that he won't be putting up as much as I have to. But then again, I think I am one of the few rare guys with unbelievably ample amount of patience juice. Its either they regenerate fast or they never seem to run out.
I am in Day 8 now as I write this. Life has never been this stressful. Maybe because I am used to taking the easy road. I think I must've been a pretty carefree dude. I am starting to discover my creative side through photography. Every time I take pictures that are satisfactory to me, I feel as if a rush of endorphins running through my veins. I feel happy, contented, satisfied for that one fraction of a second. I yearn for more, but financial restriction is a major cockblock. I guess I'll have to start walking the hard road. Nothing comes easy in this world anymore, especially not for my age.
I guess I won't be writing much any more, not for the time being I guess. But if I do, maybe this place would be a retreat for me. I no longer have that crave for games any more. That effect wears off faster than usual. Gaming away my sorrows doesn't work for me now. I will have to find another way to stay cool. I'm gonna see what photography can do for me. Maybe it will bring me to greater lengths than anything that I've ever done.
Until then.....
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